As I reflect on a long career (a euphemistic phrase for getting old) in corporate training and consulting, I am left with one central takeaway: academic credentials and licenses may get you into the game, but advancing in your field then depends on your capacity to build interpersonal relationships. This is true in the dozen or so industries where I have trained or consulted1. Our niche has been to provide practical business development and leadership applications of theories like personality type (Jung) and interpersonal needs (Schutz). But for the casual reader of this blog, I will try to summarize in three easy-to-understand buckets:
One, listen more than you talk. Let me cite an unscientific finding to support this. Over the years, I have received many social media notices announcing a career advancement. Routinely, I will send a congratulatory note along with a request to note anything in our training or consulting that stands out as being helpful.
At the top of the list, hands-down, is summarizing. This simple communication skill is summarizing what the other party has said before you jump in with your views. In a way, it is getting permission to talk. Even when you miss and are corrected, you still benefit before proceeding with a misunderstanding. It is simple and ensures that the other party is now ready to listen to you. You cannot summarize without listening actively.
Two, be generous with credit. All ventures are paved with successes and failures. When you are fortunate enough to enjoy the former, share the credit with others. And, when dealing with the inevitability of failing, step up and shoulder the blame. To use the vernacular, nothing pisses people off more than a leader or teammate jumping in for credit and then pointing at others to blame for a failure. Don’t be that person. It will haunt you in the future,
Three, don’t lean too heavily on others at work for emotional support. We all have trials and tribulations outside of work. Keep them there. I have witnessed a change in workplace relationships where people have become more dependent on teammates for support with issues about romantic relationships and family. And, while teammates are happy to provide some support, they resent it when it becomes a social crutch that distracts from their own work. While they feel resentful, they are reluctant to express it directly. However, consultants hear it during confidential communications. You have likely heard the other two previously, but this one may be new.
There you are, three behaviors essential to building interpersonal relationships that are the key to success in all fields: listen more than you talk; share credit and accept blame; and don’t drag your coworkers down with dependency on them for emotional support.
1 Accounting, Architecture, Engineering, Financial Services (Community Banks, Federal Reserve, Investment Banks, Private Banks), Headstart, Information Technology, Law, Logistics, Manufacturing, Medicine, Mental Health).